She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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