Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
