What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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