I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
