Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
