I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
