i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have aggressive nipples.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
