We're facebook friends in real life
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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