okay pat passed out under dana's car
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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