Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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