fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
