just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
