Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
