I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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