Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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