Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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