If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
