He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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