At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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