I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
