i need an iv and a liver transplant
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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