The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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