a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
