new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
