Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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