No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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