Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
