Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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