You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
