I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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