nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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