I should be sponsored by Trojan
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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