You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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