I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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