tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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