could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize