i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
