so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
