He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
