I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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