I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize