I want to walk on stilts...naked
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize