It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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