we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
