i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
