I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize