The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize