It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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