How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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