i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
