Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
