The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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