You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
