I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
