Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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