TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
