i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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