ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
