remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
