Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
