i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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