We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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