Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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