At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
