were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
