I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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