Well douche your snatch and let's go!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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