I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
