I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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