This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
