I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
