I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
