I must be too annoying 4 u.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
