My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Is it penis luge time yet?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
